hot mess

I've been such a hot mess this weekend. WTF. Okay, so I'm in Boise for the weekend. Came down to enjoy the BSU game with the brothers and a couple of their buddies. As I was driving down and listening to music (singing along also of course), Concrete Angel by Martina McBride came on. I sang my little heart out, and cried the entire damn time. I was such a HOT MESS.

So, now that the weekend is coming to an end, I can say that this theme of just random crying-ness has been: annoying, persistent, and hell on my eyes. For some reason my left eye is all glob-y with eye boogers. It's puffy, red, and kinda squinty looking. Ugh. I hope I didn't pick up pink-eye somewhere or something stupid like that. I'd be pissed. I have to refrain from touching my eyes until it goes away. But I've been putting eye-drops in, so hopefully that'll help instead of doing damage. It started this morning. Ugh. So I've basically sat around, watching TV, crying at random things on the tele, and avoiding touching my eye. FML. It's 1:54 AM and I have a 6 hour drive to look forward to when I wake up. YAY!!!

I wanted to go visit my Mama today, but after my brother R said he wanted to go with me, I decided I wasn't going to go simply because I didn't want to share a car ride with him for 2 hours. I think I would've kicked him out of the car on the drive down. But I sure do miss my Mama. :-( And my sister. She's starting at CSI. Not sure when. I was surprised, proud of her.

So speaking of pride, I've noticed myself falling into a sort of pattern that my family seems to be stuck in. Being affectionate, showing we care, demonstrating our emotions, etc. I think it's because we like to be such strong, independent people. All by ourselves. Alone. For the most part, my immediate family members just hang out in their own little worlds. One basically secludes themselves to their rooms, which makes me sad. :-( Another is never really around. I'm not sure why. I worry about her though. Timmy hangs around. When I'm home, he's one of the few family members I interact with on a daily basis. Anyways. I've noticed that when I'm home in Moscow, I tend to do those things. Just hang out in Will Land, which gives me a detached feeling....anyway, back to the pride thing. When I said I was proud of my sister, I am. I'm surprised too. For the longest time I didn't know what it felt like to have someone be proud of me. I mean, isn't that something we all dream of? Being validated and having someone be proud of us and our accomplishments? Well, I've heard it a handful of times, but I've never actually felt it! It's quite the distinction. I mean, sure yeah, my Mama cried when I graduated high school, and returned home from Iraq. IDK...sometimes I wonder if I'm a sociopath or something. But I'm sure if that were the case someone in my life would've noticed. Like the roomie or his boyfriend. Who knows.

I'm a strange duck. Night kiddies.

Muah muah.