So about a week ago I was feeling pretty low, well I'd been feeling this way for awhile, but about a week ago is when I had really just got fed up with feeling like crap and decided to do something about it. I honestly think I might've still been trying to deal with the whole Jason fiasco. Truthfully, I'm still working through that crap, but it's a process. I'm finally facing and dealing with it. It's kind of nice, the feeling of moving on from something as crappy as that was. Now, to learn from the mistake, not repeat it, but still allow myself to be open and vulnerable to future possibilities. :-)
Anyway. In regards to a week ago, I decided I was going to take a type of sabbatical leave from being online. To deal with some stuff, appreciate my alone time, and stop trying to take care of people I have no reason to care for. i.e. people I hardly know who are back in the states. Truth be told I've almost always had someone in my life who needed to be taken care of, and I was there to do that for them, but when it comes time to sit and take care of myself, I don't know how to. I've always been better at building walls, protecting myself from hurt, being cold, and alone on the inside. It's a pretty miserable feeling. So, I decided I was gonna make a change. I like to think I'm somewhere on the road of rehabilitation. I've noticed myself smiling a lot more lately (granted I smile tons already). But seriously, I've discovered that I rather enjoy my own company. Sure, it's nice having people to talk with, and the such, but it's not a necessity. Recently, since finding the road of self recovery, I've been in such great moods. I haven't felt as tired or worn down, I find myself having more energy through the day. It honestly is great. :-)
Now, the trick is to get my ass home and keep working at it.
Say love. Love. Everybody say love. Love. Drive that up sorority row. :-) If you can't love yourself, how in the hell you gonna love somebody else? Amen.
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